A Trip To The Docs…

An 80-year old man was having his annual checkup and the doctor asked him how he was feeling. “I've never been better!” he boasted. “I've got an 18-year-old bride who’s pregnant and having my child! What do you think about that?”

The doctor considered this for a moment, then said, “Let me tell you a story. I knew a guy who was an avid hunter. He never missed a season. But one day, he went out in a bit of a hurry, and he accidentally grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun.”

The doctor continued, “So he was in the woods, and suddenly a grizzly bear appeared in front of him! He raised his umbrella, pointed it at the bear and squeezed the handle. And do you know what happened?” the doctor queried.

Dumbfounded, the old man replied, “No.”

The doctor continued, “The bear dropped dead in front of him!”

“That’s impossible!” exclaimed the old man. “Someone else must have shot that bear.”

Replied the doctor, “That’s kind of what I'm getting at.”



A Catholic, A Baptist, And A Mormon...

A Catholic, a Baptist, and a Mormon are bragging about the size of their families.

"I have four boys and my wife is expecting another. One more son and I'll have a basketball team!" said the Catholic.

"That's nothing!'' said the Baptist. ''I have ten boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another child. One more son and I'll have a football team!"

"You both should be ashamed of yourselves!'' said the Mormon. ''I have seventeen wives. One more and I'll have a golf course!"



Visiting The Doctor With Haemorrhoids...

A guy had a bad case of haemorrhoids, so he decided to go see his doctor.
The doctor says, "It's not too bad, you just need to put these suppositories up your ass. I'll give you the first dose, and you can have your wife give you the second one this evening."
"Okay" The man replies "anything to relieve this pain".
He drops his pants, bends over and allows the doctor to do his job. Later that evening he tells his wife what the doctor said and asks her help with the second dose.
She tells him to bend over, puts one hand on his shoulder and prepares to insert the suppository.
All of the sudden the guy screams, "Oh My God!!"
"What's wrong?" asks his wife.
The man replies, "I just realized - he had both his hands on my shoulders!!"



Mental Test…

A visitor to a mental institution asked the director how he decided which patients should be kept in.

The director said "We fill up a bath, then offer the patient a teaspoon, teacup or a bucket and ask them to empty the bath tub."

The visitor said "Oh, I see, a normal person would choose the bucket, because it's the biggest."

The director said "No, a normal person would pull the plug out. Would you like a bed near the window???"

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My ribs hurt from laughing.......

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